2009
happy new year. i had some resolutions like every year, but i lost them and i don't feel like rethinking them up again right now. i mostly just came to whine about how much my life sucks right now. i had a good new year's eve, though. we went to sassafras. it was balls cold, but i found $40 on the floor and bought some drugs (MDMA to be exact) and some fireworks blew up in my face and left a scab on my eye and sarah and cj and i stole the dance floor all topless (bra topless, no tits. i don't think the fags liked the tits too much) and in our colors. it was a fun time.

anyways, yeah. my life and it sucking. so the lease on the apartment is up in february and i can' convince sarah to stay. like, we JUST finally got everything settled and comfy like a real home what with rearranging the living room and moving sarah's bed out there and all. but that's not god enough for sarah. the princess needs more room and fuck me if i can't afford it, too. i can't pay $600 a month for that apartment (which would be too big for just little ole me, anyways) and i sure as fuck can't find a cheaper 1 bedroom in the area and i can't think of anyone else i'd even consider living with. i doubt we'll be able to find a 2 bedroom for any price i can afford, unless we move further out of town which i would rather not. but none of this seems to matter to sarah brown. she's fully aware of my financial situation (not to mention my emotional state) yet she's willing to fuck me over so she can have a bigger bedroom. why are all the people who i thought cared about me abandoning me all of a sudden? hopefully we can find a 2 bedroom in the area that she's willing to live in (i found a 2 bedroom near 8th ave for less than we're paying now but she claimed she knew the resident and that it was "a shack". sorry, princess, but i can't afford to live in a fucking castle, especially when i know you're not gonna want to pay more than half the rent.)

anyways. good things that have happened lately... i made a new friend. brent morris. he lives with brent jackson. heh, bj and bm. anyways. we've been seeing a lot of each other lately. he took me to the loveless cafe on saturday. i've always wanted to eat there. it was delicious. i'm trying to take things slowly with him, but it's been difficult on account of i've been all lonely and depressed and needing someone around lately and sarah's never at home and i can't talk to reid anymore and becca's car doesn't work and all my other friends are preoccupied (understandably) so i've found myself calling him a lot when i need comforting and i don't think that's healthy. i need to get over this being alone problem. it doesn't happen every time i'm alone; sometimes i can sit for hours and read or draw or whatever by myself, but recently i've just been so depressed that whenever i'm alone, i just can't take it. i hope it goes away, soon...

yeah, so. happy new year.