| Writer's Block: Pecking Order |
[23 Aug 2009|04:41pm] |
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i'm the second of four children. i feel that because of this my personality is that of a person trained to deal with positions of authority and inferiority pretty equally. i'm tolerant, but not to an absurd extent.
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| writing games. |
[30 Jul 2009|06:11am] |
adolescent boys care dearly, even, for girlish habits incredibly just like men; not outta poor qualities regarding several terrible unexplainable visions... wxyz
aren't black canes dirty elves... i can't think of a five letter word that begins with f and works here.
always behind curtains dwell evil figures grinning habitually in jolly... k... karma? kindness? kernels? jolly kernels?
antonio banderas can't dominate eleven furious gargoyles having just killed lustfully my nemesis over poorly quoted rumors... suspecting treason... unceremoniously vanquishing what you.... z... zone? eugh... WHITE YANKEE ZOMBIES!!!
antoniobanderascan'tdominatelevenfuriousgargoyleshavingjustkilledlustfullymynemesisoverpoorlyquotedrumoresuspectingtreasonunceremoniousyvanquishing WHITE YANKEE ZOMBIES!!!
try to write a sentence that makes (gramatical and defendable) sense using each letter of the alphabet in order as the first letter of each word of the sentence.
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| bleh |
[17 Jun 2009|01:41am] |
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feel terrible. need a job. can't find one (as usual). lost as to how to make money. trying to paint/draw. depression making things hard. someone give me break! maybe my shit will sell at halcyon, but i need to put it up on the walls first which means i need to buy/get some sort of temporary hooks or something but i don't have any money and i'm really hesitant to steal anything when the economy is in such bad shape. *sigh* there's some sort of coffee house that just opened on broadway i was thinking of applying at and harris teeter in belle meade is hiring. i was just about to go do that, but now i have to drink this pitcher some dude just bought me. how counter-productive...
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| CARTOONS!!! |
[03 May 2009|05:20pm] |
ANIMATION MEME:
✔ X what you saw
✔ O what you haven't finished/saw sizable portions
✔ Bold what you loved
✔ Italics for what you disliked/hated
✔ Leave unchanged if neutral
( i love cartoons! )
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| battered and bruised |
[16 Apr 2009|02:35am] |
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oh yeah, i forgot to mention. i got hit by a car on my bike, last night. i was coming out of the calypso parking lot onto elliston and this guy came fast outta nowhere and i tried to turn short and brake but the side of his car caught my front wheel and spun me over the side of my bike onto what would have been my face had i not thrown out my hand. my left palm is bruised to shit. in fact i'm the queen of bruises this week. my knees and thighs are still bruised from choosing to stand directly in front of the stage at the jeff show on saturday night, not to mention my right wrist is sore from pounding the stage. and the extreme bangover.
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| friend or foe? |
[16 Apr 2009|02:31am] |
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you never really can know a person, can you? coming to this realization, i can only feel lonesome.
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| she's a very kinky girl... |
[03 Mar 2009|03:10pm] |
i came over to do laundry and the dryer is broken. j 3 j just my luck.
holy shit. i've lost like, 15 pounds. my pants don't fit and my belts are too big, too. it's kind of alarming. my metabolism has changed drastically, too. MAYBE I HAVE TAPEWORMS! what am i going to do!
the position for boyfriend has been filled. dan sanders (the guy i occasionally buy my weed from and who moved into my apartment when i moved out) is the coolest most stand-up dude i've met in a long time (although he does smoke too many fucking cigarettes, hot damn!). too bad i'm so fucking unstable and self-destructive. let's see how long he can put up with that...
i might have a second job soon. i was told to try the italian market (off charlotte behind the regions bank) where i filled out an application this morning and spoke to the hiring manager (why is it that i can never remember these guys' names?) who seemed to like me enough (and did NOT mention my green hair). he said one of their employees would be quitting soon so he was looking to start training someone to replace her. bitchin'! they'll only pay me something like $5.85 and hour, though but whatever. i just need a second income. and if i don't like it, come april i can quit and pick up paige's shift at the produce place. holla!
alright. i gotta find somewheres to wash my month-old dirty underwear sos i can get back to my place for dinner before KARAOKE!!!! i'm feelin' the funk this week so i think i'll do superfreak. later days.
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| blood stains, speed kills |
[18 Feb 2009|08:34pm] |
car: fixed.
bike: broken.
belongings: moved.
house: frigid.
health: poor.
social life: fleeting.
so we're all moved into the new house. it rules. our basement is huge, but full of junk so i need to clean that out but imma wait til they get the gas turned on. they came by to do it today, but it was 8:30 in the morning and i was asleep like any sane person with the flu and i missed them so i called and they said they earliest they could come back is tomorrow around noon. maybe they'll KNOCK this time. fuckers.
i haven't left the house for something like three days because i've been immobilized with the flu and then i finally feel well enough to get up and step outside today and it's like, 15 degrees warmer outside our house than inside. blow.
the worst part about having the flu for three days is starting your period smack dab in the middle. or missing a shift at work. can't make up my mind. i'm still really nervous about missing work. if i lost another job i'd probably hang myself... nah. i'd do myself in with more style than that.
i got the flu on saturday night at that bitchin' valentine party at the warehouse. someone shit on the hood of my car. i dunno if it was because it was MY car or because of one of my bumper stickers or just because they thought it was funny... but i thought it was just funny. luckily cj had backed into my car earlier so there was a chunk of my bumper laying on the ground i used to scrape it off. heh heh. sweet party.
i hate these fucking digital converter boxes. yeah, i get four more religious networks, an extra home shopping network, something called "ion" and qubo, but for what? a shittier signal that freezes and pixelates the screen everytime i move a muscle? fuck this. that is precisely why i hate digital.
saturday i get to relive my childhood and take lilli to a birthday party at CHUCK E. CHEESE!! i plan on getting drunk (if they still serve beer) and playing all the awesome videogames i can. it's gonna be a blast.
uhm... i guess that's all i have to tell you. later!
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| how about a nice game of chess? |
[29 Jan 2009|10:31am] |
i saw that movie the wrestler with sarah, reid, nathan and dan. it was hella good. mickey rourke's character was so easy to love. i wish i had an ex pro-wrestler behind MY deli counter, anyday.
so i was at a really really crowded house party last weekend and i stepped out on the back porch so i could breath and this guy comes up and starts asking me about an illustration job for this methodist magazine he works for that's aimed at hispanic-speaking americans. he gave me his card and i e-mailed him some links and he says he doesn't want to get my hopes up, but he'll probably have some work for me in the next issue. cool, right?
i've been hunting for a new place and last night becca drove sarah and i around the sylvan park/charlotte area looking for rental signs. we found a couple of promising duplexes and a few other places but i especially liked the duplex on chamberlin that happens to be owned by the same people we are renting to now. i called them this morning and told them we planned to be out of hillcrest by the end of february (it's a good thing i called them today, too. one day later and we wouldn't be getting our deposit back!) and that we were thinking about moving into the chamberlin duplex. she said the place is unlocked so we're gonna go scope it out tonight when sarah gets home from work. i like these gaw properties people. they should be willing to cut us a deal since we've been paying rent to them on time for a year now. and dan sanders is looking to move into my apartment when i move out so really we're bringing them customers.
i'm in the middle of about three months worth of laundry that i need to get done real soon so i don't have to waste my entire day off at my parents'. besides, war games is on in the other room. later!
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| oh we are living ENEMA terial world... |
[14 Jan 2009|12:20am] |
i'm in an i-want-stuff kind of mood so i was looking through shit on etsy and came across this. and this (i really like ashtrays right now). and this (if only it would fit...).
that's all, i guess.
oh, i don't work tomorrow, if anyone wants to bother me.
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| 2009 |
[08 Jan 2009|12:52pm] |
happy new year. i had some resolutions like every year, but i lost them and i don't feel like rethinking them up again right now. i mostly just came to whine about how much my life sucks right now. i had a good new year's eve, though. we went to sassafras. it was balls cold, but i found $40 on the floor and bought some drugs (MDMA to be exact) and some fireworks blew up in my face and left a scab on my eye and sarah and cj and i stole the dance floor all topless (bra topless, no tits. i don't think the fags liked the tits too much) and in our colors. it was a fun time.
anyways, yeah. my life and it sucking. so the lease on the apartment is up in february and i can' convince sarah to stay. like, we JUST finally got everything settled and comfy like a real home what with rearranging the living room and moving sarah's bed out there and all. but that's not god enough for sarah. the princess needs more room and fuck me if i can't afford it, too. i can't pay $600 a month for that apartment (which would be too big for just little ole me, anyways) and i sure as fuck can't find a cheaper 1 bedroom in the area and i can't think of anyone else i'd even consider living with. i doubt we'll be able to find a 2 bedroom for any price i can afford, unless we move further out of town which i would rather not. but none of this seems to matter to sarah brown. she's fully aware of my financial situation (not to mention my emotional state) yet she's willing to fuck me over so she can have a bigger bedroom. why are all the people who i thought cared about me abandoning me all of a sudden? hopefully we can find a 2 bedroom in the area that she's willing to live in (i found a 2 bedroom near 8th ave for less than we're paying now but she claimed she knew the resident and that it was "a shack". sorry, princess, but i can't afford to live in a fucking castle, especially when i know you're not gonna want to pay more than half the rent.)
anyways. good things that have happened lately... i made a new friend. brent morris. he lives with brent jackson. heh, bj and bm. anyways. we've been seeing a lot of each other lately. he took me to the loveless cafe on saturday. i've always wanted to eat there. it was delicious. i'm trying to take things slowly with him, but it's been difficult on account of i've been all lonely and depressed and needing someone around lately and sarah's never at home and i can't talk to reid anymore and becca's car doesn't work and all my other friends are preoccupied (understandably) so i've found myself calling him a lot when i need comforting and i don't think that's healthy. i need to get over this being alone problem. it doesn't happen every time i'm alone; sometimes i can sit for hours and read or draw or whatever by myself, but recently i've just been so depressed that whenever i'm alone, i just can't take it. i hope it goes away, soon...
yeah, so. happy new year.
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| "it was... SOAP POISONING!" |
[25 Dec 2008|11:15am] |
christmas 2008:
-four t-shirts (all work-appropriate and very comfy)
-fingerless gloves/mittens
-$50 in cash from various uncles
-a pack of cigarettes and a custom-made stamp from alex
-8 cartridges of polaroid film
that's 80 -count 'em- 80 shots. WOO HOO! i haven't taken a single polaroid in almost a year, much less 80 of them! i could make a fucking stop-motion film which that much film. too bad i didn't bring a camera...
merry christmas.
new year's should be a delight.
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| diamons on my neck di-diamonds on my grill |
[27 Nov 2008|03:28am] |
man, i've been playing a lot of pokemon recently.
the end to my money troubles is in sight, but i'm still stressin' out cause it doesn't look like they'll be in my grasp until after christmas or, if i decide to splurge, then not until much after christmas. i'm probably only going to spend money on my immediate family and make things for everyone else. i do plan to use my skills of deceit and hocking shit to raise a little extra cash, and if i stop spending my tips on stuff like cigarettes, beer and karaoke tips then i can probably make it a pretty sweet christmas.
i just hope i get a fuck ton of polaroid film.
like a lot.
karaoke was JAMMED this week! but i still managed to have fun. tracy and dave were in town, but they only got to do like one song a piece. i sang smashmouth's "i can't get enough of you baby" and as a result have had it stuck in my head all night. my co-worker and new friend will was there and me and jenny made him sing the gayest radiohead song on the roster (i mean gay in terms of tone and content, not quality).
today i enjoyed the nice weather and dicked around on bikes all day. cj and patrick came over and i made patrick a picture and i made a stencil for tagging out of a pizza box. then i pedaled to the belcourt to see 2001: a space odyssey with valerie and antony (whom i did not know were there) and afterwards reid took me to PM where i finally got to try "the best burger in nashville" (i still like rotiers' better) and our server was the guy in the robot costumer from the columbia university commercials.
so it's thanksgiving tomorrow (or rather, later today) and i'm eatin' at my parents' of course. then friday i'm going to recover and then meet patrick at watkins to screen some stuff for gifts and make some patches (or maybe bandanas if freidman's is open friday) for ratsgiving which is on saturday night. i'll have to pedal over there straight after work, so i thought i'd just bring a pint or two of the spiced sweet potatoes from work. biggles and those sweeties the hell's angels are coming in to town and i cannot wait to see them. apparently geoff is coming, too and i hope someone talked tyler into coming because i know he didn't want to leave after the hootenanny... dude that was the saddest afternoon i can remember... anyways, i hope it don't rain too much this weekend!
i'm gonna go play some more pokemon until i pass out. happy thanksgiving, 'n shit!
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| "come on, can't you even stand up for the first black president!?" |
[14 Nov 2008|07:50pm] |
so last tuesday, not only was obama voted the first black man to become the president of the united states, but i finally found a job! calypso on elliston hired me (at a measly $6.75 an hour plus tips, but oh well. it's better than nothing!) and i've already made enough to pay off my phone bill (once my check clears tomorrow. they cut my service off yesterday. eep!) and next week i'll have enough to start paying my student loans again and after that maybe i'll have enough to pay rent this month! yahoo!
needless to say, tuesday night i got fucking SHIT-FACED at the springwater. it was a lot of fun. i love to celebrate things on a national level. it was like the best new year's eve ever!
that's all i have time for now as i'm on reid's laptop at the hog and they're about to lock up. later!
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| long time no update... |
[02 Nov 2008|03:46pm] |
i haven't updated in a while, but then again nothing spectacular has happened, really.
no, mckay's did not hire me. instead they hired some dude that lives with jamin and wes... probably because he actually filled in the five spaces under "contemporary christian" on the little application quiz thingie they gave us. i couldn't think of any reggae musicians besides bob marley, either but i didn't know you had to have such extensive knowledge of bad music in order to shelve it. what-the-fuck-ever. fuck. trader joe's never called me so i doubt they're gonna hire me since they open in like, three days. the kroger fresh fare (a.k.a. the upscale kroger's in belle meade that is so much better than all the other krogers that it must be dubbed "fresh") is hiring for like, a million different positions so i'm gonna go over there in a minute and apply. i applied online for bread and company as they also have a sign that says "now hiring" but 'now' must be french for 'later' or something because when i called to follow up on my application they said it usually takes them up to two weeks to get to the applications. ???!!! do you need my help or not? also, the borders on west end is finally hiring. i applied online and went in the store and asked them about my application (i made sure to mention i'd worked for waldenbooks, a subsidary of theirs) but they just wrote down my name and number and said they'd "pass the information along". wtf? do i look like a child or something? i feel like no one is taking me serious whenever i come in looking for a job. i mean, what should i do? shove my fist in their face and yell about how my phone bill and student loans are three months past due and i dunno how much longer my roommate can afford our rent? jesus, i'm not looking to save up for a prada handbag here or money for my senior trip. i need a fucking job to survive so stop playing with me. i really really really want this borders job. i want it so fucking bad... it'd be so perfect... they're right there and i could WALK if i needed to and i've done it before and i know a lot about books and i could dress however i pleased and just... guh. fuck. i need a job so bad.
anyways, other shit...
reid came sobbing to my apartment asking me to take him back, all "i was wrong, you were right" blah blah blah. i dunno what to do. i love reid and i'd like to be with him but he just doesn't seem to know anything about himself. i guess i'll just hold his hand while he figures things out. besides, i don't want to be seriously involved with anyone while i'm all unemployed and trying to get my shit together. that's a little unfair. he can't separate my problems from his problems (whatever those might be... he keeps complaining to me about his friends [never any names, though, just "my friends" or "those guys"] yet all he ever seems to do is spend time with them) so i'm going to try to ignore all this until i've got my shit together.
halloween was pretty sick. i spent the day watching cj get his harry potter tattoo shaded and colored. then we went home to prepare for the evening. i was tank girl (pictures later?) and sarah ended up being priss from blade runner (unfortunately there was some other chick at the party dressed as priss, very spooky coincidence) and elizabeth was zombie amy winehouse. we looked great. i rode bikes to the warehouse with paige (dressed as the joker dressed as a nurse) and some of her zombified friends. it was a little cold, but the sweating made the bike ride very pleasant. patrick was there as prince with cj who had on a mask of the dude with no jaw from day of the dead. valerie was a terrorist and antony and damen didn't dress up (boo). there was much drinking and dancing and it was a lot of fun and afterwards we went home and watched black roses and passed out. i felt a little sad that i waited so long for halloween and it was over so quickly and i didn't get to see everyone i wanted and a lot of people pussed out and didn't dress up. next year i'll go to bike kill in new york and it'll be sickhouse amazing and there will be lots of crazy bikes.
so now me and sarah are doing our months-worth of laundry at her grandmother's house, waiting for her dad to call us to be picked up from the titans game. hopefully i'll find some time to ride my bike while it's still light out as it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL today. later.
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| mckay's |
[07 Oct 2008|08:46pm] |
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my interview at mckay's went well. if they don't hire me, i might just kill myself.
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| jobs jobs jobs |
[01 Oct 2008|07:25pm] |
oh my god it's finally october. i hope my october is better than my september was.
i went to coco and applied today. it looks pretty promising, though when i asked about talking to coco (the owner) or a manager or someone of that effect, the girl at the counter told me they don't really operate that way and that i should just wait for them to call. oh well, i did everything i could. i know eric, lemyng, brent, and ben who all work there, and last night i saw sammy at the springwater and he said they just hired him so i should have a lot of support on the inside. we'll see. also, while riding my bike around and enjoying the beautiful october weather, i got a call from mckay's and they want me to come in for an interview on monday. HELL YES I WANT TO WORK AT A FUCKING BOOKSTORE AGAIN!!! YIPPEE!!!! needless to say, it put me in a pretty good mood for the day. too bad i feel sick, so sarah and i couldn't do the quarter of mushrooms she got for free last night. oh well, there's always the weekend.
last night i went to karaoke at the springwater and reid came with me. it was the most fun i've had with reid in nearly two months, now. he was very touchy and kissy, too. i don't know what to do about that. if he means it, that makes me glad because i still love reid and i want to be with him, but if he was jut doing it to cheer me up and not because he really wanted to then i'd rather wish he wouldn't. i guess we'll see what happens. he's playing a show tomorrow night at the end with jeff as well as the screaming females (EXCITE!) so we'll see how he treats me in front of all of his friends now that he's (maybe) decided that he still likes me. katie parker will most definitely be there, so chances are he won't be quite so lovey-dovey. i need to talk to that chick again and let her know how i really feel. i'd like to be friends with her because she seems like a cool chick, but i don't think i can be friends with anyone who may be stealing my boyfriend.
anyways, now i'm gonna go watch project runway with people i KNOW love me... and maybe smoke some weed. it might help my headache... but i still don't know what to do about the nausea. i haven't eaten much of anything in the past few days because everytime i try to eat some food (there's no appetite, i just know that i need to eat food to stay alive) i immediately feel like i might vomit. it sucks, because sarah just spent close to $200 on food for the apartment and i would love to eat it before it goes bad. anyways, smoking some pot might help me to feel hungry, too. i love self-medication. ta-ta!
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| unemployment blows |
[30 Sep 2008|01:29pm] |
so i thought that the way to find a job was apply everywhere you can possibly think of, follow up every application with a phone call and try to schedule an interview, go to all interviews and wow them and then you get a job, right?
so what am i doing wrong?
i've gotten to the point where i have literally begged whoever i am being interviewed by for the position. this whole lack of a job thing is ruining my life. i already lost my boyfriend, i don't want my best friend to leave me for the same reason although sarah loves me more than reid did, so i don't think that will happen any time soon, but i can already tell she's getting annoyed at my lack of money and i don't want to be dependent on anyone for the rest of my life.
qdoba was a bust. provence never called me back again, but their "help wanted" sign is still in the window. bosco's hasn't called me back after going in there twice for a job. harris teeter said it'd probably be two weeks before i heard anything from them. i went to the hr offices for vanderbilt and they said all i can do is wait for someone to call. paige said the produce place would be hiring soon but her manager told me otherwise. no one at borders can give me a straight answer as to whether or not they're hiring, but i've applied online and left my name and number with them three times now. cafe coco is apparently hiring so i'm gonna go over there and apply after the lunch rush is over.
anybody else got any other ideas?
i need a job in the west nashville area because my car has a flat tire and sarah uses her car to get to and from work already so i'd be commuting by bicycle at least for the first two or three paychecks until i can get my car fixed. besides, i really don't want a job that pays me next to nothing and have to spend half of my paycheck on gas. i'm sick of cars and recently i've begun to feel like i could get anywhere in nashville on a bicycle (not my stingray, i've been borrowing reid's cruiser but i want to save up and build a really efficient road bike) and i really miss the convenience of getting my daily exercise on the way to and from work everyday.
anyways, in the meantime between finding a job and drinking myself to sleep every night, it'd be really nice to have some company. sarah still gets free admission to any movie (up to four tickets including herself) at the green hills regal so if you want to come see a movie with us, please call me. also, our apartment is waaay cozier and less stinky now that reid's moved, so if you just want to come over and drink or watch movies, play video games or whatever, i'm always up for that. i just simply cannot stand being alone all day like i have been recently. it's not helping me get over my depression at all. i need to feel loved and wanted, if you please.
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| chugging along |
[24 Sep 2008|10:05pm] |
i have been such a mix of emotions this past week.
last week was the worst week of my life, but this weekend might have been one of the best in my life.
this past weekend was the hootenannny. even though not everyone made it (danny madness, erin, surly and greg were missing, as well as all those crazy crusties) i still had a good time. i'm really glad that tyler came and has a good time and that biggles made it. the best part was probably the gas crisis going on all weekend (actually, it's still going on) and all of us drunkenly riding by all these huge lines at every gas station. us whizzing by on our silly bikes, having fun and laughing at all these disgruntled drivers really made my weekend. and jeff played in joey's back yard and i had the worst bang-over all day on saturday but it's ok because the sneaker-pinatas were a success and full of whiskey nips and becca came with us on dottie's bike and there were so many of us at every gas station that it was so easy to steal beer and the weather was beautiful and there was practically no drama and i was so sad when we all had to say good-bye after riding home from la hacienda on such a lazy sunday. *sigh* i wish everyday could be hootenanny.
but not i'm back to the ups and downs of trying not to be depressed every day. like yesterday i had to drive out to murfreesboro for my court hearing for that speeding ticket i got last time i drove jonathan home. so i drive 30 miles out to murfreesboro in the middle of a gas crisis (becca and autumn had to come over and bring sarah enough gas to start her car and move it out of the parking lot) and was on time and everything only to findthat not only did the cop not show up, but neither did the fucking judge! then they have the nerve to tell me that, if i want to pleade not guilty, that i have to come back on the 7th. WTF? i thought if the cop didn't show, you were off the hook and neither the cop NOR the judge was there. i managed to fucking make it, so what's their excuse?!
ALSO, that seat belt ticket i paid ended up being a day late, so now i owe them $20 by tomorrow or my license is revoked.
oh, and qdoba, after a very positive and promising interview, is NOT in fact going to hire me and the only work reference i gave them was panera and i put timio down as my supervisor and timio LOVED me! so what the fuck!? why won't anyone hire me!?
anyways, sandy called me tonight and i have a babysitting job on friday night, now. she wants me to take lilli somewhere while she has friends over to watch the debate. awesome, i get to take lilli to the movies!
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